I never really allowed a girl to give me head, also during that time I never met a girl who was dying to give me head as if she couldn’t breathe. This is not to say I didn’t get any head, I did, but each time I most likely stopped it within the minute. It never felt good cause I wouldn’t allow my mind to think that. I thought getting head was too degrading to  woman. Because of that I would never hint that I wanted it or that it was my turn. The few times it did happen, I let the woman seduce me and then when the seduction part was over and she was pleasuring, I had to stop her. I could not get over that. Just watching her pleasure me, it felt wrong. Even if I didn’t stop them, my body would show them by allowing my dick to go limp real quick. No girl likes to have a dick go limp on her.

Hence I normally tried to stop them before that was happening, as not to insinuate that they aren’t turning me on. I know, very odd. What can I say, the guilt was killing me, the fact that I was being pleasured instead of the other way around. But how do you explain that. “Excuse me, I went soft cause you’re not turning me on.” Shocked facial expression, “oh no, I meant as in I need to turn you on, so that you’re turned on, for me to be turned on.” Too many “turned on,” don’t you think? Don’t get me wrong, most were happy they didn’t have to do it. No objection heard there, just a silent prayer, “Hallelujah Lord, thank you Jesus.” 

I view things differently, so what gives a normal person guilt, doesn’t give me any. This is true vice versa. I don’t how or what or by whom, but somehow it’s been rooted deep into my DNA that a woman must reach her pleasure level, orgasms, complete satisfaction. I think what most men don’t realize is that there is a double standard.

One woman’s orgasm is worth (more intense) at least five to ten (prob goes up to hundred for some) times more than a man’s. Most men get that part, but they are stupid. They think they need to compensate and make up for that. By cumming twice, if your orgasm is worth five. Since it’s not over the halfway mark, as long as they get you close to halfway to cumming, it’s all even Steven. Here is where the double standard lies. Instead of compensating for themselves, they must realize the truth. Even though your orgasm is worth much more, you need to be able to have much more of it. Think of it as in value of Gold or Diamonds. The more expensive, the more you want it. Luckily to buy an orgasm, it only takes some time and skill. So you’ll never be able to run out indefinitely.

That’s why I feel guilty. The more I cum, the more difficult it is to get hard, scratch that, it gets more difficult to stay hard for long. Unless I come across some viagra or ecstacy. At some point, no matter how much or bad I want it, I’ll have to give my dick a rest for a while. With a woman, luckily she doesn’t have to worry about that. Worst is wetness, sensitivity and soreness, but depending on who you are and if you have some lube,  you can definitely make it through that. For me this is just logic. I’m sorry guys, but if sex was about us, why the fuck did our orgasms turn out less superior?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had blowjobs that made me cringe, shake, let out slight moans. For a guy, that’s a lot. For a girl, the first time she masturbated was better than that. What strikes me as odd as well is that men are supposed to be filled with pride. Take pride in what you do. That’s what we are told all our lives. So logic would suggest that men took pride in making a girl orgasm, similar to climbing Mount Everest, winning the NBA Championship, any championship, a playoff game, etc. Yet that is something if you ask, a guy will never know. “How many times did you make her cum?”, who knows, who cares? I care I guess.

I consider myself a simplistic logical person. If I wanted to cum cause I cared about myself then I would just masturbate for the rest of my life. No troubles and I’d hurt less women, if not all the women I had sex with. Just stay out of harms way. But no, I enjoy sex. I love to give pleasure. I will work until my bones and muscles ache, until I sweat as if I ran a marathon, until I know you are completely satisfied. That’s what I take pride in.

It’s not about how many times you get laid, it’s about how good you are when it happens. Sex isn’t based on how good you (man) thought you were, but it’s based on how good the women thought you were. It’s not about how many women you’ve had sex with, but how many times you made each one cum. You’re counting the wrong numbers guys.

Today, I do enjoy it when women give me head, but that feeling that they are being degraded still haunts me. The only thing that eases my mind is that I’ve made more women orgasm then the times I’ve cum, at least five to one. I can get head peacefully knowing that. Also I know that moments later I’ll be pleasuring them once again, either with my tongue or mouth, just in case my ratio is getting smaller.